Grief health mental health relationships spirituality

Last letter for papi (No.9)

Letters to my father, documenting his journey while he fights for his life against Covid-19 in English & Spanish. Cartas a mi padre, documentando su lucha por su vida contra Covid-19 en inglés y español.

Dear my beloved papi,

This will be my last letter to you having you here on earth with me, as I write you’re getting ready to transition to beyond the stars to join the rest of our loved ones that have already gone. You will soon be at peace, your health will be restored and living your eternal life until I make it to your arms again. But I have to say how much it hurts to write this. My tears are endless with grief and happiness because you’re finally going to be healed and yourself once again without the suffering and sadness in your heart. I’m not there to physically close your eyes as you take you final breath as promised papi, but I’m there in spirit, you’re in my heart & soul. Today feels somber but yet with a sense of relief. I wish I was there papi but instead I’m sharing our story with the world, I’m listening to songs that you loved and songs that make me feel closer to you while looking at pictures to celebrate your new journey to your eternal life. You are taking my heart with you, always and forever I will be your “pedacito de carne”.

You fought hard papi, I’m not going to question God and his will for you. You lived life playing your own tune with a smile and with your heart on your sleeve, you helped & loved so many. Addiction plagued you daily but you tried the best that you could against your demons. I will always be proud of you, I forgive you for all those moments that you brought me tears because I loved you through the times that you didn’t love yourself. You taught me to be strong, resilient, loving, to take no shit, to keep my head up high and keep pushing through life no matter what. You reminded me so many times how proud you were of me, I know you were because I would hear your tears of joy as you reminded me each time. I will cherish every moment with you, all the lessons, conversations, all our tears, hugs, your kisses on my forehead, when you held my hand, when we danced together, prayed together, cooked together, laughed together. All of those memories will forever be etched in my heart & it will carry me a lifetime until we meet again.

Thank you for being my father in this lifetime I wouldn’t trade you for the world our bond runs deep and forever. Thank you for all the photos, videos & messages you left behind that will give me the strength that I need on bad & good days. It’s going to take me time to bring healing to my heart from your loss but I will get there papi. Your memory will stay alive always here on earth I will tell your grandchildren & great grandchildren all about you especially RJ they will never forget you and your love for them, because you were such a proud abuelo. I know your plan was to move close to them to live the rest of your life close to family but God had different plans for us and that is ok you will soon be our guardian angel and that brings me comfort and joy.

You live through me papi and I’m going to continue living my life as you wanted me to, I’m going to reach my goals, create memories, live with my heart on my sleeve as you, dance & celebrate life and make a difference in this lifetime, I promise you. I’m going to continue making you proud from beyond the stars.

This a goodbye from the flesh but not forever papi, I’ll be with you one day beyond the stars and as soon as I see you again you’re going to give me one of your strong bear hugs and a forehead kiss, as you take my hand so we can walk together into our eternal life.

Love always & forever,

Your daughter

Ay, no hay que llorar
Que la vida es un carnaval
Y es más bello vivir cantando
Oh-oh-oh, ay, no hay que llorar
Que la vida es un carnaval
Y las penas se van cantando

I'm a Honduran & Cuban second generation Latina, born & raised in Long Beach, Ca. I write to heal my inner woes and to release my creative energy into the universe, in the process my hope is to inspire & help others. I’m a advocate for mental health & autism awareness. I love coffee, a sweet red wine, a good read and creating memories with my loved ones.

2 comments on “Last letter for papi (No.9)

  1. This is beautiful. I pray that you continue to find comfort with the memories you both created. I send you love & light 🙏🏻

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  2. Rachel Vences

    It’s with great pride I read the words of a fellow Hondureña. Her ability to crawl in your heart with words is an art no longer found easily. Such simple but powerful words, allowing the world to feel her pain while teaching so many at the same time. The Lord will never give you a cross you can’t carry and she shows that with such grace. Through strong people like her we all learn to be just a little better, a little wiser, and a little more grateful. Thank you for the letters Jessica!

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