As much as I’m trying to become a better version of myself and step into my greatness. I’m still human and I have old thinking patterns & a toxic processing mechanisms when it come to dealing with the BS that at times life and for my case anxiety brings. I’m very extra with my emotions, I’m not afraid to own that. So I have been practicing to focus on the positive things of the situations that is causing me to stress or just life itself. Its definitely not easy to be Mrs. Brightside after so many years of doing the exact opposite. I can honestly just own the fact that being negative and having a pity party is simply my comfort zone “I’m parked in there”. If you’re anything like me, you may be asking yourself, “Why am I like this”?
I’m not psychologist so I’m not going to dive into the true science behind all of this but to just summarize what I read in a article by Psychology Today, so in short “Emotions generate automatic responses to help you avoid harm.” We just don’t want to be harmed and hurt so our automatic response is to just think negatively so we prepare ourselves for the worst so the let down is not as bad in our minds. Whoah just writing about this really is an “aha moment”, for me! How can I possibly be OK with this? I’m basically saying that happiness is not achievable in my life because I’m not deserving of that so everything must have a negative outcome. Will you say this to someone you love? So why will we be ok to do this to ourselves?
I love tuning in with Iyanla Vanzant on her IG lives, that woman is phenomenal, inspiring & raw. She has been hosting “Anti Viral messages” since this pandemic started, which is her donating her time and providing self help mentoring and tools for those of course that want to put in that work for themselves. She tells you, “I’m human just like you, I’m not God, if you want change you need to do this self work by yourself baby”. It’s not in those in exact words but you get what I’m saying. We need to put in this work of “self help” we have the tools everywhere, we just need to make it a priority. Now, all this can be easily said than done I know because if your comfort zone is toxic thinking & the thought of a happy, purposeful & loving life is a scary thought, because wait get ready for it, “We don’t want to be let down and hurt”. Right?
You know what the antidote is at the end of the day, we hear and see it so many times. Drum rolls please, it’s “SELF LOVE”. That is where it starts does that sound like a shock? Yes, we can love others like our babies for those of you that are parents we know that it’s the most precious love on this earth, we can be loved by partners, family & friends. But if we DO NOT love ourselves right then we don’t really know what being loved truly is & we do not reciprocate, its just a facade. I’m 34 years old baby, and I’m just learning to truly love myself from within. Once we get that important piece in our lives together and mended then we can move on and continue healing and dropping all of our baggage that we carry around on a daily basis. My back is tired from all of that, so I’m committed to this change & finally truly loving myself, so I can be free. Are you ready?
“When you need to be loved, you take love wherever you can find it. When you are desperate to be loved, feel love, know love, you seek out what you think love should look like. When you find love, or what you think love is, you will lie, kill, and steal to keep it. But learning about real love comes from within. It cannot be given. It cannot be taken away. It grows from your ability to re-create within yourself, the essence of loving experiences you have had in your life.”
― Iyanla Vanzant